Khutbah Delivered by Sh. Waleed Basyouni on Friday 4/5/2010

Khutbah Delivered by Sh. Waleed Basyouni on Friday 4/5/2010

(We apologize that the khutbah’s recording is not posted. This text has been edited from its original and the Sheikh’s notes)

All praise is due to Allah. We praise Him, seek His aid and forgiveness. 

May the peace, blessings and prayers be upon the Prophet Muhammad, his family, his companions and everyone who follows in his footsteps until the Day of Judgment.

To Proceed: 

Sincere advice is of great significance and status in Islam. This word (Naseeha) originated from the root verb “nasaha” which means to test and examine. So “Naseeha” is to give an advice to someone who needs it in order to correct something in him.  It was narrated in an authentic hadith from Tamim al Dari that the Prophet (saw) said: “al Deen al Naseeha” which translates into: “Religion is sincere advice.” This hadith declared the whole religion to be about Naseeha/sincere advice.

Jabir bin Abdellah said that he had pledged allegiance to the Messenger of Allah (saw) and the pact of that allegiance was to “hear and obey”, and he mentioned several terms and then said: “and to offer advice to every Muslim.” It is therefore the duty of a Muslim towards his fellow Muslim to “advise him when he asks for an advice.”

“Naseeha”/Sincere advice comes as a main heading in quite a few of the Islamic practices such as: al da’wa (inviting people to Islam), Jihad in the cause of Allah, enjoining the good and forbidding the evil, al wala’ wal bara’ (taking allies and foes based on faith), and the rights of a Muslim upon his/her fellow Muslim. 

An advice should not be perceived as one interfering in other people’s business or prying into their affairs. Sincere advice is a form of guidance and it is actually a gift you present to someone. The one being advised should actually perceive it as such and be grateful for it. But then this would depend on the way it is being offered. 

Some people would disapprovingly reject someone’s advice and harshly tell them not to “stick their nose in other people’s business”-- so to speak. I remember when I was still in high school there used to be a brother who would come to the masjid wearing a very short shirt. It was so short that it would show a part of his rear as he prostrated. One of the brothers approached him very kindly asking him to put a longer shirt instead. This man told him: “Hey brother! Is it my shirt or yours?” The brother said: “It’s yours.” “Is it my prayer or yours?” the brother again answered: “yours.” When Allah accepts this prayer, will He accept it from me or from you?” He said: “From you.” He said, “Then it is my business and leave me alone.” The brother told him: “It is true that it is your business; but the reason I interfered is because I care about you; I only want what is good for you. I dislike seeing you harmed in any way. Now that I know that this is harmful for you in this life and the hereafter; I must advise you to change it.”

From this we learn that sincere advice is presented by one who loves and cares about you; someone who only wants what is good for you.  It is not in any way interference in other people’s affairs, or an attempt to control them or make them feel that they are less than you.

In this khutbah, I would like to mention the etiquettes of offering an advice and receiving an advice.

 

In the case of one who gives advice:

1. Knowledge and Experience: the adviser must know what he/she is advising. Knowledge is certainty. One must avoid advising someone about something based on rumors for example; or speculations that lack accuracy. Your advice must rather be based on certainty.  Furthermore, you must have the knowledge (be it Islamic or otherwise) related to the subject matter of your advice.  When you tell someone to study a certain subject or travel to such and such place you must know why. Or if you tell someone to do something or not do it, you must be qualified with the knowledge that shows why and why not. Experience is also important. One may have knowledge but lacks experience. At the time of Imam Ahmad (rahimahu Allah), a woman wanted to get a divorce from her husband, but he obstinately continued to refuse. She tried every way possible to no avail. One so called knowledgeable person told her that if she said she left Islam, then her marriage contract would be annulled automatically. So when she gets her divorce, she can come back to Islam. When Imam Ahmad heard that advice, he said: “If she did what he told her to do, then she would become a real kafir (non-believer) and all of her previous good deeds annulled.”  This advice came from someone who did not have the proper knowledge nor the experience. You may need to present your evidence for what you are advising about. If your advice is based on hear say, then ascertain first and always take your information from a source that you trust.

2. Gentleness. Be gentle in your advice. Do not be arrogant. Allah said to Musa and Haroun: “and speak to him (ie: the Pharaoh) in a gentle way.” The Prophet (saw) said: “whenever gentleness is removed from anything it will make that thing look ugly.” Just because you are advising someone does not entitle you to be his or her teacher. Avoid strong language. We all remember what the Bedouin who urinated in the masjid said: “I have not seen a better teacher than the Prophet (saw). He did not hit me, scold me, chastise me, nor punish me.”  Also do not make this advice a personal issue between you and the one you are advising. That will make him tend to be less defensive. Do not use name calling such as: “you are an innovator,” “You are misguided,” “You will be in Hellfire,” or “You stupid!” etc.

3. The Purpose of the Advice. When you advise someone show them what your motive is. It must be out of love for them or that you care about them. Learn from the Prophet (saw) when he started his advice to Mua’th by saying: “O Muath! Wallaahi I love you. Do not stop after each prayer from saying “O Allah! Help me to remember you, thank you and worship you with perfection.” Even though he is the Prophet (saw) and any advice from the Prophet (saw) is unequivocally accepted, yet in his advice the Prophet (saw) began by saying words of kindness, and the why he was advising Mua’ath showed that it was because he loved him. Not only by words did the Prophet show kindness but also by certain acts and gestures. He once caressed Ibn Umar’s shoulder when he told him to “be in this life as a stranger or wayfarer.” Also the closeness the Prophet (saw) kept with the person while advising him showing him how much he cared. Again Mua’ath narrated how he was riding a mule behind the Prophet (saw).

4. Offering Praise Dua’a and Gifts. It would help to make the advice less difficult and more accepted when you precede it or follow it with praising the person (truthfully of course), praying for him and if possible a gift.

5. Timing. Timing is extremely important. You could choose a time to advise someone that would do more damage than rectification. It was narrated that when two of the companions were arguing one of them became so angry that the Prophet (saw) said, “I know a word that if he said, all of his anger would diminish.” One companion asked, “What is it, O Messenger of Allah?” The Prophet (saw) said, “A’outho billaahi minal Shaytan al Rajeem.”(Translated: I seek refuge with Allah from Satan the outcast.) He went and told the man to say it. But the man became angrier and said: “Do you think I am crazy (or a donkey)?” The Prophet (saw) did not actually tell the man to say it to his face. He knew that such would not benefit him at that time.  Is it wise to advise someone you know will not accept it?

6. Wisdom. Everything we have said so far can be included under “Wisdom.” Undoubtedly choosing the right time to give an advice is one of the important aspects of wisdom. Also to prioritize the issues you want to give an advice about.  Begin with the most important and then work your way down to the least important. One may find that people follow “bid’ah” (innovation or heresy) because they do not know the “Sunnah” (The way of the Prophet (saw)). Therefore, in this case teaching them the Sunnah is more important than admonishing them about the bida’h. 

7. What is the goal? One must know that the goal is to rectify and correct the behavior of someone, not the actual admonishment or the advice itself. Imam Al Shaafi’ used to say: “In every debate I would always be the winner, because I do not care where the truth came from so long as my opponent would say it.” If you could reach the goal without even having to say anything, that would be the best advice.  In other words, your advice can be presented in a form of something you do rather than something you say. 

8. The Advice must not lead to what is worse than the subject of the advice.  Again the story of the Bedouin who urinated in the Masjid shows how the Prophet (saw) did not say anything to him further to what the companions say in a disapproving way. He rather directed his talk towards them to stop scolding him and to let him finish as if he did not it would harm him unnecessarily. So the advice must not lead to any harm.

9. Avoid Belittlement and Exposure. When you advise someone take them to the side and speak to them in private. Do not expose of their mistakes in front of people. Do not belittle them. Imam al Shafi’ said that “and advice which exposes him is not worth hearing.”

10. Do not be angry or sad if your advice has not been accepted or acted upon. If need arises repeat your advice and continue to be patient. People may need time to think and change. 

11. Do not give a lengthy advice. Do not turn your advice into a lecture.  Be brief and to the point.

In the case of one who receives the advice:

1. One must be happy with the advice. Allah says: “And remind [them]. Indeed the reminder benefits the believers.” Omar bin Al Khattab (radhiya Allahu ‘anhu) used to say: “May Allah have mercy on one who presents to us our defects.” 

2. Always remember that the purpose of the advice is for your benefit regardless of the way it is given to you. The truth is more important than the style. 

3. Do not judge the truth by the people rather judge the people by the truth. One may find it difficult to accept an advice from someone who is less than him in wealth, education, age, knowledge, experience or social status. 

4. Do not answer the advice with another advice. That is a grave mistake. If someone says to you that you are doing such and such; do not say in return: “well I saw you doing such and such.” As if you are telling him if I am at fault then so are you. This happens often with spouses.

5. Do not reject an advice of someone just because he/she is guilty of the same.

6. Pray for the one who has given you an advice.

7. Show your adviser that you have acknowledged and understood his/her point.

Dear brothers and sisters:

To summarize this topic, sincere advice:

· Is not only between individuals, it can be to organizations, leadership, states, governments, etc.

· Can be in words, messages, cd, tape, or a book

· Can be through someone’s exemplary behavior.  This is indeed the best way of da’wa. The two grandsons of the Prophet (saw) al Hasan and al Hussein had come across a man who did not perform wudo (abolution) correctly. So they wanted to advise him but realized the difficulty of saying it straight to his face. So they asked him to judge between as to who performed wudo better than the other. So Al Hassan started and then Al Hussein. So the man realized that his wudo was not correct. He said: “My nephews, you both perform wudo better than I.”

Can one give an advice regarding a mistake that he himself does?